Picking My Brain

Okay, so I have a lot of explaining to do on this topic. For the background, see the entry “Commercials Make Me Cry.”

My mom continued to ignore my wedding, and hadn’t said a word about it. Ben’s mom began pressuring me into asking my parents to meet her for the traditional meet the in-laws dinner. I kept putting her off, but finally I saw it as a way to approach the situation with my mother. So I e-mailed her one day asking her what her schedule was over the next few weeks so we could plan this dinner. She continued to ignore it.

So when we went to her house last Monday, I was armed with a plan. One of my friends is getting married this month, and I had to RSVP at the beginning of the month. I wanted to show my mother her invatation, and use that to lead into a conversation about my marriage. It seemed to be working, after looking at my friend’s invite, she went and dug out one of her wedding scrapbooks and showed me her wedding invatations which I couldn’t remember. I then led into “did you get my email about meeting Ben’s mom?” Her only comment was something along the lines of she was not making any plans or doing anything towards my wedding.

Of course, that wasn’t the answer I wanted, so I got mad and stood up and went to leave. I got about three steps before I starting crying. Just before Ben and I hit the door, my mother followed us and asked me why I was leaving crying. At that point I literally exploded at her; angry that my engagement had been ruined by her and that she continued to ignore it.

After an all-out brawl between everyone (which is another topic for another day), my mohter and I finally reached a conclusion. They have always expected me to have my degree before they give me a wedding. They have always told me this from the time I was a little girl. We agreed that I had no right to ask them to change those expectations - esp. since I always have known about them.

My mother didn’t deny the fact that if I wanted to go get married next week, that was completely up to me and there was nothing she could do about it. But if I wanted them to give me a wedding, I would have to meet their terms. We agreed that this was fair. Ben doesn’t think so, but I can’t bring myself to plan a wedding without my mother. I want her to be a part of it.

So the plans are: I’m going to community college this fall for a few classes so that I can go back to Stockton in January (yeah, I’ve been suspended from Stockton for my GPA being too low for too long. I’m out for two semesters, this coming fall being the second one, and if I want to be readmitted to Stockton to finish my degree I have to take a few classes outside fo Stockton and pass them to prove that I am serious about my studies). So by next spring, I plan on having my degree, come hell or high water.

Then my mother and I will have to decide if we can plan a wedding in 9 months to keep the date I have in mind, February 17, 2007, or if we will have to change the date.

So that’s what’s up. I can live with it, that’s why I planned the date so far in advance. I wanted to have my degree before I got married, I just wanted to start planning my wedding sooner and was hoping to have my mom’s help sooner. But I’m willing to do whatever it takes to have her be a part of my wedding, so for now I’ll continue gathering info and ideas and come next summer, I’ll start making decisions.

While working at Wawa, you can make an interesting case study of all types of people. Some of the most facinating are the kids and how they interact with the world around them.

If you’ve never been in a Wawa, right in front of the register there is a little plexi-glass blox for charity donations. Wawa is big in helping the community, and are one of the major contributors to each of the charities it supports. People mostly toss in their unwanted small change, and occasionally a bill or two makes it in.

My Wawa is located in Prospect Park, a suburb of Philly. I would say about 25% of our traffic is foot traffic, esp. during the school year. I beleive there are three schools within a few block radius of the store, so we’re a popular stop for kids on their way home. Some of the more local kids are in on a daily basis - spending every few dimes and nickles they’ve scraped together.

The amazing thing is, you can count on almost every single one of them to put their leftover change into the donation box. We have one boy who is in at least three times a day, and never fails to drop a few coins into the box. one night he was in with his father to make a purchase, after he had been in several times already during the day. When he asked his father the put his change into the box, his father told him no. The boy looked him square in the face and asked, “why?” His father gave some explanation that those coins were money too and needed to be saved sometimes. But the boy insisted, and shortly a few coins made it into the box.

One day a few weeks ago, a mother and daughter came in. While the mother was paying, the girl asked for her change so she could put it into the box. Her monther told her no, she had just put change into a box in another Wawa earlier that day. The girl looked at her mother, genuinely dumbfounded, and said “so?” If I remember correctly, her mother gave an exasperated sigh, but gave the girl a few coins.

This got me thinking about how willing children are to help. None of those children who faithfully donate their hard-earned coins have any idea what charity they are donating to or who they are helping. They don’t even question that the money will be used to help people who need it, like the adult did a few weeks ago. Seeing these amazing children made me think that their parents at one point must have been that way. I remember wanting to help people who were less fortunate than me. I started wondering at what point do those children who are so eager to share their small wealth, turn into those parents who keep every nickle and dime thinking that it’s making them a richer person.

There’s probably no answer to my musings - some people keep that eagerness to help others, but most of us don’t. The last time I donated money was to the Lance Armstrong Foundation - mainly to get one of those popular yellow bracelets. These kids don’t get anything in return for their donations. It’s really amazing what kids can do…why do we ever grow up?

Morgan Spurlock, the creater and star of the documentary “Super Size Me,” has created a new TV show; “30 Days.” The show takes people and puts them into situations they have misconceptions and predjucies about. For example, the second episode featured a practicing Christian from West Virginia leaving his family and living with a host family in Deerborn, Michigan - a largely Muslim community - for 30 days. While he was there, he was expected to learn about the Muslim religion as well as practice it and become a functioning part of the Muslim community during his time there.

The show was excellent and I really enjoyed it. I even learned some things about Islam. Like jihad. We know it as “holy war.” I had always assumed “war” means violence and fighting and death in the name of God. Actually, the Muslims on the show described jihad as a holy war within the person. It’s like a way of channeling anger and bad feelings out of yourself through prayer - what I would probably call meditation. It was interesting to see the Christian have a heated discussion with his hosts and some of the hosts’ friends about some of the points of Islam. One of the wives interrupted to remind them that it was time for prayer. The Christian (sorry, I can’t remember his name) afterwards said that all of the anger and tension that had been gathering during the discussion was released during the prayer, and he felt much better afterwards.

What probably struck me the most however were the “typical” Americans seen on the show. Parts of the show contained Spurlock interviewing “random” people on the street about their opinions and knowledge of Islam. They featured the people who had the most outragous and most wrong things to say - I guess to prove that Americans are really so uneducated about other cultures and religions and really believe unfounded sterotypes as the truth.

The segment talked a little about a hot issue in parts of the country. Non-Muslim citizens are protesting Mosks’ broadcasting of the call to prayer - a prayer sung several times during the day. It’s actually become a civil rights issue. The Non-Muslims don’t see it as the same as church bells because it continains words - or at least a voice; I doubt the non-Muslims know what the words are. But they want to ban the broadcast and Muslims are protesting their right to practice whatever religion they wish and to not be expected to quiet their ways of worship when Christians are not expected to quiet theirs.

Spurlock also interviwed the man-on-the-street to see what other people’s opinions were - and obviously only showed those who also disagreed with the broadcasts. One guy stated that if a mosk begun in his neighborhood and broadcast the call to prayer, he would blast Tom Petty or some other rock and roll back - that was his right as an American.

I was shocked at how arrogant and rude the guy was being; and how he thought being American gave him the right to be that way. Actually, I was offended that the term American has come to mean that. I thought no wonder the world hates us - I would hate us too if that’s what I thought an American was.

How have we come to the point where being “American” gives us the right to act superior, arrogant and rude? I don’t consider myself any of those things and it makes me mad that there are people out there creating that stereotype of me. And other countries are buying into that stereotype. (Intersting side point - this must be exactly how Muslims feel about others judging them to be a violent people.)

I guess I don’t really have to worry too much, I don’t see me being able to travel out of the country (or within either) any time soon. And here in America, eveybody knows I’m an American. Maybe that’s the only place I’m safe. I don’t think other Americans automatically assume me to be arrogant and rude unless I actually act that way.

I guess you can’t ever be rid of stereotypes - people will always judge by appearance, attitude and their own education and open-mindedness. Maybe being aware of stereotypes and being prepared to tear them down once you’ve become educated about the truth is the first step. There are certain stereotypes that I do beleive - some true and unfortunatley, some untrue. But if I can educate myself and be prepared to give up the untrue ones, as well as realize that while some stereotypes may be “true” they don’t apply to an entire population - I feel that I can be a decent human being and treat everyone with the respect that they deserve.

Aside to Meagan: You’re probably laughing at this entry and my lack of knowledge of Islam. Hey, we all can’t spend the summer in Egypt - though I would kill to be there! At least I’m open to learning and knowing the truth!!