Picking My Brain

First off, got a reply message from that email I sent my mom. “If you can’t say something nice, maybe you shouldn’t say anything at all.” Maybe she should have been nice in the first place! Debating on sending a reply saying something along those lines.

So now for the latest catastrohpe in my wedding plans. When Ben and I went to my parents for my brother’s birthday this past weekend, my mom mentioned something about my cousin Teal’s wedding or something. After asking my mother what she was talking about, rumor in the family is that Teal is engaged. She doesn’t have the ring yet, but has picked it out and the wedding date is October. No official confirmation via Teal or her family and we wouldn’t be surprised if this is all just a false alarm. Okay, I need to do some family history here.

My uncle (my mother’s brother) and his family are kinda snobs. I mean, both he and my mom came from a comfortable, but by no means wealthy, background. They never lacked anything they needed, and my grandparents worked hard to provide them with their wants as well. Somewhere along the line, my uncle decided that he wanted a more lavish lifestyle. So I give him lots of credit. He decided what he wanted and he worked hard, and continues to, to have it. He’s a car salesman at a Ford dealership, and he puts in massive amounts of hours to live the lifestyle he wanted. I give him tons of credit, and I admire him for that. However, he become this unusual mix of down-to-earth and well-to-do. He can be a snob, and usually prefers “the finer things.”

My cousin, his son, Dylan seemed to have a lot of his down-to-earth qualities. Dylan is 13 months older than me, and though I hardly see him anymore, we related well to each other when we were younger. I hear updates on him now and relate to his decisions and his actions. His older sister, Teal, and I never had the same connection. She is six years older than me, so we never had much in common. I like to think I’m more down-to-earth, and I always felt that she was well-to-do and a snob. My aunt and uncle spoiled her and gave her the best everything.

She never dated (that we heard of) through high school, and there might have been one boyfriend worth mentioning from college. But after college, Teal did start dating. During most of her “big” relationships my aunt and uncle oozed all over the guy. The relationship would seem to continue okay until marriage started being whispered by her or her parents. As soon as my uncle would say, “this is it, he’s the one,” within the month the guy would be gone.

Apparently my aunt and uncle are gaga for this new guy (well I guess, it’s been months, I really have no idea, but it can’t be much more than a year I don’t think…but he still seems “new”). He’s from a well-to-do family it seems; “he’s rich” is how my slightly out-of-touch grandmother describes it. But already there is talk of a wedding in October.

I am happy for Teal, I hope this is the man of her dreams and that they will be happy together for the rest of their lives. But after I heard the news it got me to thinking about my wedding.

If my plans stay on track: back to Stockton in January, graduation in May, my wedding was planned for February 2007. But if my cousin does get married in October, it will over-shadow mine. I know my cousin’s tastes, and I know the depths of his wallet that my uncle will go to to give my cousin a dream wedding. Vera Wang everything. Designer this, designer that…money, money, money. Which granted, isn’t quite my style. I want something memorable and personal. I don’t want huge and lavish. But how can I plan a smaller wedding four months after hers? I know I haven’t announced a date yet so Teal is free to choose any date she wishes, so do I now have to change my date out of respect for hers and for the family? All of my relatives in Virgina I’m sure are going to be invited to both, they can’t make that trip twice in four months. Most of them dont’ even make it once every four years.

Ben suggested that we just push it back to the following February, but I know he doesn’t want that. If it were up to him, we’d be walking down the isle this February. Plus I’ve already asked his family to wait this long for a wedding, how much longer can I ask them to wait? How much longer can I ask Ben to wait? I know he loves me and wouldn’t leave me over it, but it’s his wedding too and I know he wants to be married. I knew before we ever considered getting married that he didn’t want a long engagement.

And I’m still stuck on the month of February. It’s a special month for us. Wow, I just realized that the original date would have conincided with our five year anniversary. That would be so neat to get married then.

Plus on top of all of this, my mom decided to add more insult to injury this weekend. She’s already bought Teal’s engagement gift. It’s an amazing gift, absolutely perfect for Teal. But how come Teal gets an engagement gift before it’s confirmed that she is engaged (again, we only doubt it from previous experiences), and her own daughter’s engagement goes ignored? How much longer do I put up with this before I throw in the towel and just throw my own wedding? It would be nice I guess, but Ben and I couldn’t afford to have a wedding for the whole family, it would have to be really small. I don’t think we could do most of the traditional things that I was hoping for in my wedding. Ben’s mom has made a standing offer that she will provide us with a wedding as a wedding present if we choose. I completely appreciate that, it really means a lot, but I can’t imagine planning my wedding without my family.

Well, my head is now swimming. I seem to have come down with a cold overnight (I blame Lisa and Krissy at work for giving me their bird flu!). Plus I have to work overnight tonight, so I think I may go lay down and try to feel better. But how do you feel better when things just keep getting worse?