Picking My Brain

For those keeping score, Ben and I have been engaged for three years now. We postponed the wedding to keep my mother happy. She refused to have anything to do with wedding planning until I had graduated college. I was devastated, but I couldn’t imagine planning my wedding without my mother.  So we put off even discussing the topic of marriage with my family until my mother’s terms were met.
Like I said in my last post, I graduated on Dec. 17. So I waited a while for my mom to bring up the wedding, but of course she didn’t. So on Jan. 19th we went to my mom’s for dinner. I didn’t really want to approach the topic because I knew it would end in disaster. So I kept putting it off and putting it off. Ben kept giving me looks trying to get me to bring it up, but I just wasn’t ready to engage in the battle that I knew was coming.

So I self-sabotaged. I waited until we were getting ready to leave, and decided to mumble to my mother, “We’ve picked a date for the wedding, if you even care.” After she had deciphered what I said, she got a major attitude with me. We got into a screaming match, which made me storm out. So I thought that was it, I was on my own for the wedding.

On Tuesday I decided to stage another attempt. I sent an email to my mom suggesting that we forget about what’s happened in the past and focus on the future. She invited us over for dinner again last weekend.

I still didn’t want to approach the topic. I can’t imagine planning my wedding without my mom (despite all of our differences), and I was terrified that she was going to tell me that she still didn’t want anything to do with it. So I was still putting it off a little.

Surprisingly though, my mom actually brought it up at dinner. My parents are all in for the wedding! We actually had a nice conversation that night about what I already had in mind. She gave me some honest opinions and brought up things that I hadn’t though of. So we’re getting ready to launch a fact-finding mission before we make any definite plans. I actually think she’s starting to get excited about planning a wedding. She called me on Monday to say that she had already found a bridal show for us to go to!

We’re having some difficulty in deciding on a final date, however. Ben and I had been planning a February wedding ever since we got married. We wanted February because we both love the winter and snow, and because February is when our anniversary is. However, my mom has kinda thrown a monkey wrench into the whole works. Since she’s a teacher, she has off during the summer. Since I’m living in Pa and she’s in NJ, it would be easier to plan the wedding if she is free to do any running around that needs to be done at the last minute. She has a hard time taking time off during the year, and she especially can’t take time off backed up to a holiday. She recommends a mid to late June wedding. Ben on the other hand is dead set against a summer wedding. He absolutely hates the summer and doesn’t want to hear anything about a summer wedding.  Plus, he doesn’t want to wait any longer.  He actually would have it this coming November if I said okay. So here I am somewhere in the middle between the two again.

I wanted February at first to be as close as possible to our anniversary, Feb. 13. However, I was convinced that since it falls on a Friday in 2009 (people would have to take off of work) and since it’s so close to Valentine’s Day (I refuse to have a single heart, dove or calla lily anywhere in my wedding) to give up that date. So since I gave up that particular date, I’m not really tied to February anymore. Since I had been thinking about a winter wedding, the colors I had picked out were burgundy and gold. They won’t work in the summer, and I didn’t really have any “inspirations” about theme and decor for a summer wedding.

This morning though I was doing some looking around at theknot.com. I do like a sage/olive green and had recently seen some spring green ‘maids dressed that I kind of liked. While poking around, I saw the bouquet to the left (click on the picture for a larger image) that did give me the spark I was looking for. I could do a very nice spring green with pale pink accents and white accents.

I think I’m going to take a diplomatic approach.  I’m going to ask Ben to sit down and make a list his pros and cons of a winter wedding and his pros and cons of a summer wedding.  I’m going to do the same.  Then we’ll compare lists and see what we come up with.

Well, I have some work to get done before I am unemployed tomorrow.  In case I said in my post yesterday that today, Thursday, was my last day, my supervisor emailed me late yesterday to tell me that I was on the payroll until tomorrow.  Basically I’ll have a half day tomorrow, I have an eye dr. appt. in the morning then the whole department is going out to lunch to say goodbye to one of the other girls.  Which is interesting…

The job I had applied for and was passed over for was for a Course Designer position.  Unexpectedly, one of the other Course Designers resigned.  So as of this morning, there is another posting for a Course Designer.  I really don’t know if I should post for it or not.  I feel that I have an advantage now that I have worked as a Course Designer for a month and that I have my degree.  But if I wasn’t hired the first time, would I really be hired this time.  I’m going to see if I can talk to the person doing the hiring and ask her for her opinion on whether or not I should post for the new position.  So I’ll let you know how that goes tomorrow.

I’ve been busy with work and other projects, so I haven’t been posting here much about me lately. In the words of Inigo in The Princess Bride: “Let me ’splain…no, that would take too long. Let me sum up:”

My job with Wawa is over as of Friday the 1st. The training part of the job actually ended back in December. I got extended through Feb. 1, I guess in the hopes that another job would come up. Well, it did, and I got passed over. I applied for another position, but I didn’t even get an interview for that one because I didn’t “have the experience they were looking for.” It’s so weird, everyone in corporate keeps suggesting that I go back to the store and wait for something else to come along. It’s really creepy, like they’re brainwashed or something. I feel that I have perfectly good reasons to keep me from going back to the store; I could only make half as much salary in the store as I make now, I would have to give up weekends and holidays off - not to mention I’d have to go back to being available 24/7, I don’t want to waste my time doing menial labor when I have a college degree, and most importantly, I hated it!

So as of 5 pm on Friday, I am officially unemployed. I will be filing for unemployment so hopefully we won’t be completely down my salary altogether. The job hunt is very frustrating. I’ve been sending out tons of resumes, but I haven’t gotten any calls back.

For those keeping track - yes, I did say that I have a college degree. Everything went through and I attended graduation on Sunday, Dec. 17. Even my diploma has arrived, so I am done. I’ll think about grad school in a few years. When I can afford it!

So I think that’s pretty much it. It’s just my typical life, things get going good and I’m finally happy, then everything blows up in my face.

I can’t believe I’m about to do this.  I’m about to defend the president.  Ick, I already feel dirty.
I spotted the title “George Bush’s favorite painting and why he doesn’t understand it” on one of my RSS feeds.  This took me to a Harper’s Magazine article that I found quite interesting.

The article is about Dub-ya’s favorite painting, “A Charge To Keep.”  He claims that it is his favorite painting because :

” …horseman determinedly charging up what appears to be a steep and rough trail. This is us. What adds complete life to the painting for me is the message of Charles Wesley that we serve One greater than ourselves.”

After spending many, many high school and college hours analyzing and dissecting art and literature, I can appreciate that Dub-ya feels such a strong connection to this piece.  If you have never experienced a work - be it book, painting, sculpture, music or movie- speak to you, you cannot imagine how powerful the experience is.

The article does research into the history of the artist and the painting.  Apparently it was commissioned to illustrate a short story and depicts a horse thief escaping from a lynch mob.”

Knowing the history of both the artist and the painting certainly does put a slant on the interpretation.  In this case, the artist probably had no other intention or motive than to depict the scene from the story.

However, I once had a teacher/professor that explained to us that no matter what the artist had in mind, a piece is always subject to the interpretation of the viewer.  Each person who sees this painting brings to it all of their experiences, ideals and beliefs.

Because viewing or reading is so subjective, this leads me to beleive that there is never a right or wrong answer.  No, the meaning I may see in a picture may not be the one the artist intended me to see, but that doesn’t discredit my experience or the meaning that I extract.

So yeah, Dub-ya is probably an idiot (all you have to do is look at the state of the union to figure that out).   But if that’s what this painting means to him - let him have it.  Frankly, I surprised that he can look at a work and analyze it and find meaning it it.  Didn’t think the ol’ boy had it in ‘im.

Something else I take issue with in the article is that the author states,

“Bush has consistently exhibited what psychologists call the ‘Tolstoy syndrome.’ That is, he is completely convinced he knows what things are, so he shuts down all avenues of inquiry about them and disregards the information that is offered to him.”

Who, exactly, has tried to explain this to Dub-ya?  And he really just shut them out and refused to listen to any other explanation?

My guess is the author is commenting on Bush’s failure to research the piece in the first place.  Yeah, if he really wanted to get that deep into the painting, Dub-ya could have done some research.  But it wasn’t necessary.  He saw a painting, and it spoke to him.  It had meaning to him and inspired him.  The power of that was probably more overwhelming than finding out the artist’s purpose.

If that’s the case, I’m sorry for the author.  Take a trip to some art museums, read some books, go see some movies, listen to some music.  Find something that speaks to you.  Then tell me if you need that research.  Yeah, it’s interesting to know, but you’re first reaction wasn’t wrong.  And neither was Dub-ya’s.

I’m having some picture uploading problems, I’ll add a copy of the picture as soon as I get that fixed.

While goofing around the intertubes this morning (instead of getting ready for work, of course) I happened across an very disturbing news article.

Bebo is a social networking site, similar to MySpace. Apparently there’s a new craze sweeping it’s members, and it’s deadly serious.

Police in Great Britain suspect that 7 teen suicides in South Wales are part of a suicide craze of Bebo members. According to the article, the teens are committing suicide in order to gain “prestige” among their friends. After the teen’s deaths, their friends are setting up memorial websites where comments, videos and photographs in tribute. Police suspect that the teens are seeing these memorial sites as a way of gaining prestige.

Never could I ever believe that a popularity contest could be so…well, deadly. I would imagine the prestige comes from the age-old “who has the most.” Who has the most comments, the most videos, the most people who miss them.

What I don’t get is, the teens don’t get to see the results of their “prestige.” What good is prestige if you’re not there to enjoy it?  I’m young enough to recall vividly what’s its like to be a teenager.  Everything matters.  So much.  You’re miserable.  Everything is about you.  Nobody loves you. Nobody understands you.  Nobody would miss you if you disappeared.  The whole world is heavy.  Dying seems like a really good option a lot of days, because it’s never going to get any better than this.  This is it.
But somehow you find your way through it and suddenly one day, you’re a rational human being again.  You’ve learned some things along the way, and now you’re off.  It may not always be the best, but you’re alive, and that’s what counts.

Yes, there are the ones with genuine psychological issues that go untreated far too many times.  But for normal healthy kids to be killing themselves for their lives to matter is absurd.

I am not one to often play the “blame game,” but in this instance, I wonder exactly how much influence does the media have?  How long after Anna Nicole died was she still being plastered everywhere.  Any news markets anywhere today is carrying the Heath Ledger story.  I can’t even check my Hotmail today with out seeing it.  What kind of message does that send?  More popular in death than in life?

I don’t really know how to end this post.  All I can do is suggest that you go out and be a positive roll model for someone close to you.  Understand that being a teenager sucks.  And sucks hard.  But the human race wouldn’t be here today if people never made it past their teen years.  You honestly don’t know what’s in store for your life.  Give it a chance.

Giving up means that you never get to show those stupid kids in school what you’re really made of.  I hated high school, but now that I have my college degree and a professional job, in a way I feel like I’ve proven them wrong.  I succeed anyway.

And that kind of prestige I get to enjoy.

Unless they’re in your house, walls do not keep people out.  And sometimes they don’t even work there (I was not happy to be woken up at 2:30a the other night by my neighbors banging on the wall above my head!).
Ben found this article this morning about the Gaza Wall being destroyed and people crossing the border into Egypt.

When are we going to learn that we can’t wall ourselves off from the people we don’t like!  Imagine what the world would be like if every country had to contact with the outside world.  We would never be where we are now.  How many times would the wheel have been invented if knowledge wasn’t shared?  We can’t share and grow as a species without each other.  Even if someone has a bad idea, then we know it doesn’t work.

We’re all in this together.

I heard this gem from Mike Huckabee on NPR last week:

” The reality is that we track packages from UPS and FedEx every time we order from Amazon.com. And, yet, we’ve got a government that says we don’t know what to do and how to keep up with people. If necessary, we ought to outsource this whole issue to FedEx and UPS. They seem to have a better way of keeping up with packages than our government does with people.” Spoken at the GOP debate at the University of New Hampshire on Sept. 5, 2007.
WTF!  All I could do after I heard this was smack my hand against my forehead.  The context of the comment is that he thinks the American people are angry at the government who has “completely ignored borders and allowed this problem to fester to the point that it’s now overrunning us in a position that people don’t even understand how to fix it.”

There is some merit to what he’s saying.  Reform the immigration process so that everyone can have the same opportunities that we have.  However, this comment went a bit too far.

I guess I just don’t understand why all the focus is on Mexican immigrants.  Why not fence - or more accurately wall - ourselves off from all immigrants?  That would solve the problem.  There’s a long history of walls achieving just that.  The walls of Jerico?  Success!  The Berlin Wall?  Success!  The Great Wall of China? Okay, so maybe that one did actually meet with some success early on, but eventually the territories all became one country so now the wall is just a tourist attraction.

I just mailed in my voter registration so I can vote in Pa’s primary in April.  I don’t like having to register as a Democrat, but in order to vote in Pa’s primaries, you have to be registered as that political party.  While I also like Ron Paul, I really can’t bring myself to register Republican.  So I’ll be a Democrat for the time being, and I’m voting Kucinich in the primary.  Of course neither Paul or Kucinich have a chance, so I have no idea who I’ll be voting for come November.

Can I write in the Flying Spaghetti Monster?  Imagine the good he could do with a simple wave of his noodly appendages!

Yeah, that Wednesday was not the greatest day ever. In fact, except for the snow, it was a crappy day. I was tired and anxious all day.

Here’s how it went that Friday:

Step One: Snow. COMPLETED. Yep, it snowed again.

Step Two: Ace my interview and get offered a permanent job. FAILED: Well, I thought I had done well in my interview, but not really. Apparently when I was talking about working for the newspaper and said that I enjoyed writing but didn’t like the “just the facts” and no creativity, she thought I wasn’t right for the job. She was also disappointed when I chose the more creative project to work on last week instead of a more factual one. I also couldn’t compete with the level of experience the other girls had. They’ve been with Wawa for over 10 years each, and I’ve only been here 2 1/2, 2 of which was in the store. I’m disappointed,and actually pretty bitter. I feel a little let down, I knew I wasn’t being promised anything, but it seemed like I was being kept so I could just slide into the new position. I knew it was a long shot, but of course I was still hoping. It also kinda got on my nerves that the two who got the jobs, were the two that already had pending job offers in another department. So now they’re going to turn down those jobs and take this one. I’m happy for them because they’re my friends and they deserve the jobs, but I’m still left out in the cold. I’m sending out resumes like mad now trying to find a new job. So far, as of Jan. 31, I will be unemployed.
Step Three: Find out if I’ve been approved for graduation. COMPLETED! I got a grade higher than I needed in the class to graduate. Graduation was on the 16th of last month. Here’s the pix to prove it! Edit: I seem to be having technical difficulties with the uploads. I’ll post them as soon as Ben fixes it. I’m going to my mom’s today to pick up my diploma. They didn’t have them at graduation, so they mailed them out and for some weird reason, it seems mine ended up at my mom’s house.