Picking My Brain

Ben loves to quote the line from that Baz Luhrmann song “Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)”:

“Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.”

I never quite subscribed to this philosophy.  I realize that not only are the models wearing gobs of makeup, their pictures are then edited by photo-editing software.  I think I’m grounded enough in the real world that all the propaganda they spew falls on deaf ears.  I know there are those who aren’t as grounded and and who strive to look like the models, and for them that line may hold some truth.

I was pretty flabbergasted a few weekends ago though when I went to a bridal show with my friend Jenn.  As we walked around, some of the vendors there horrified me.  I’ve been to a few shows, so I know to expect the usual hair and makeup salons hoping you’ll book them for your day.  At first a I was a little surprised to see a both advertising tooth-whitening service, but wasn’t really bothered by it - especially since I’ve considered talking to my dentist about seeing how much it would cost to have my teeth whitened before my wedding.  But as we walked around further, I realized that there were actually plastic surgeons there!

I was absolutely horrified that women’s self-esteems are so low, they would resort to plastic surgery specifically for their wedding day!  I think plastic surgery for non-medical conditions is vain as it is, and I know the wedding industry has gone completely insane over the past few years.  But this just blew me out of the water!

After I got home, I went through the goody bag that most venues give you to collect brochures and such.  I found this huge magazine in there, “New Beauty.”  This monstrosity is 192 pages of full page glossy ads for ridiculously  expensive beauty products, and cosmetic surgeons.  There are a few “articles” thrown in, but mostly they’re touting specific brands of products for every imaginary flaw you could possibly dream up.

Page 193 then begins the “beauty docs” section.  That’s 132 pages of plastic surgeon ads, most are huge two-full pages!

Then there’s the “glossary, ” 11 pages where you can look up a specific type of surgery and find out what it is, what it does, the average cost, the length of the procedure, whether anesthesia is needed or not, recovery time, number of visits required, the risks and how long the results last.

And last but not least, you come across the index.  There you can look up any type of beauty condition or procedure and see what pages you can find “information” on it.

Thank God I got this crap for free!  It was filled with those stupid postcards with “Subscribe Now!” emblazoned across them.  And I did happen to see this same magazine on the magazine shelf of some store, so that means people somewhere actually pay for this.

Women always complain that we’ve been objectified and that we need “real” women in these magazines.  But after seeing this drivel, I can’t help but think that we’ve partly brought it on ourselves.  If people didn’t buy this stuff, people wouldn’t make it.  I’m still stunned, and I can’t wait to throw this waste of paper away!  This is definately one beauty magazine that will make you feel ugly!